As a stay-at-home mother, my world revolved around my children and my home. The issues on which I focused were the issues that directly affected my small, little corner of the pond.
I worried about the schools my children attended and the neighborhood in which we lived.
I did my part for the environment – I recycled, paid extra for renewable energy and donated to the Sierra Club. I volunteered in classrooms, lobbied for school funding and was active in our church community.
I lived my life in a tight circle, the boundaries of which had been clearly defined for me.
As my children grew older, I realized that the limits that had been placed on me were beginning to limit my children as well.
And I realized that the dynamics of my marriage did not allow me to be both a good wife and a good mother.
Forced to make a choice, I chose my children.
It was not a popular choice.
Prevailing “wisdom” said that divorce was the worst possible thing I could do to my children.
Inner wisdom told me otherwise.
Still, leaving was not easy. I had to fight my way out, but my marriage had sucked me dry of the strength I needed to leave. And so, I relied on the strength of friends. Friends who loved me and supported me, who fought for me and held up the light so I could see in the darkness through which I needed to travel.
That experience led me to the work I do in support of women.
This has opened up a brand new world for me. It is a world that reaches far beyond the narrow confines in which I used to live.
It is a bigger world, with bigger realities.
It has more beauty, and it also has more ugliness, both of which have come crashing in to my life with the force of a tsunami.
And as my little pond fills with water, I am forced to swim to stay afloat in my ever expanding universe.
Some days, I feel as though I am drowning.
Some days, I am a water polo player, buoyed up, working with the water and possessing the strength to lift my body into the air so that I can slam the ball into the goal for a SCOOOORRE!
I am grateful for both kinds of days.
I grow stronger on the days that I keep from drowning.
And my water polo days…ah…those days are simply glorious!
7 comments:
Not only am I glad you chose your children...I am glad you chose you. An untenable position, whether in a relationship or job or family of origin, murders the soul if we try to stay.
I love your "pond" picture. You are on your way to being ocean-ful.
Aloha nui.
Wow! We do get stuck in our little narrow ruts.....Wondering what I should do to break out, or if......
Here's to more water polo days!
This was such a moving post.
What a beautiful, and fitting metaphor! Sometimes there are no choices, only "must dos." Not going down with the marital ship is a must do, in my completely biased opinion.
When you can spot dry land, let's do coffee!
I think that YOU are simply glorious, and that you have more strength than you imagine, along with great and beautiful grace.
How lovely to read of your becoming your true self.
An Excellent post.
Lovely writing and lovely thoughts. I am in the midst of a divorce and it gives me hope to see women that have made it through to the other side. Thank you.
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